Taking A Leak With A Legend

Marines have an eternal love affair with Full Metal Jacket.  While mainstream America may just like it, Marines have elevated this film into the top annals of cult-status.  But, why do we like it so much?  Why has this flick become a fixation with every generation of Marines (and many people in other branches)?  It certainly can’t be the question of morality in the Vietnam War; films like Platoon already delve into that topic.  I don’t think it’s the combat scenes, either; Hamburger Hill does … READ ALL

Mikey’s Final Solution of the Sniper Question

Here I go again, another post on a heated topic.  I try to make sure the majority of content on this site is lighthearted and filled with lowbrow humor, but sometimes I see things that get me riled up to no end.     It’s one in the morning.  You can’t fall asleep, so you pop on the television and watch reruns of The Golden Girls on the Hallmark Channel.  Dorothy, Rose, Sophia, and the slutty chick are the only people worth watching on your … READ ALL

Lance Corporal Ski’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

“I actually felt more comfortable when you and your brother were in Iraq; because at least I knew you two were being professional.” -Ski’s mother during a conversation with him after he returned home.  If you’ve read some of these stories, you should’ve already figured out that “giving a fuck” was not Ski’s forte.  In fact, Ski disliked formalities so much that he made it a point to test his chain-of-command’s patience at every opportunity.  But, being a habitual rule breaker didn’t mean he wasn’t … READ ALL

The Meltdown

I’ve witnessed—and been a part of—Marines police calling everything from expended brass to cigarette butts, but you never expect to walk outside of your room in the morning and see a Marine police calling his own feces.  It was a hilarious testament to how far our platoon had gotten out of hand the night before. 12 Hours Earlier Sometimes people do erratic things when they get stressed or excited.  If you’re Britney Spears and you’re sick of being hounded by the paparazzi, you shave your … READ ALL

Veterans Want To Murder You… The News People Told Me So

“The nicest veterans of Schenectady, I thought, the kindest and funniest ones, the ones who hated the war the most, were the ones who’d really fought.” –Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five I’m going to take a minute and digress from my usual stories of humorous mishaps and stress-induced nonsense. I started this website because the people I’ve written about—my friends and former comrades—were and still are some of the most compassionate, most intelligent, and most amusing people I’ve ever met in my life. What mainly impresses … READ ALL

Corpsman Up: A Tale of Misadventure with Marine’s Best Friend

Warning: This story has been pieced together from shitty memory and an erratic idea of the events that took place.  The Navy Corpsman.  A token Sailor in the midst of a rabid pack of mongrels.  Your Corpsman is supposed to be your voice of reason.  He’s the guy that says “You shouldn’t be doing that” on a Saturday night at the barracks when your platoon is shitfaced and piling up mattresses so they can jump off the roof.  He’s the one that reaffirms your commanding … READ ALL

Operation Train Wreck

May  A Few Years after EAS I had been on the road for a countless amount of months at this point.  From north to south and east to west, I roamed the vast American landscape like a cross-country trucker with no load to deliver.  It was just me and an aging SUV, packed with smoke-stained clothes, empty water bottles, and a gluttonous amount of empty fast-food bags.  The Marine Corps had given me friends from every part of this country, and I took full advantage … READ ALL

How The OOD Stole Christmas

So about a month ago, my friend Mark the WOP was telling me this hilarious story about the time he and some other Marines got shitfaced and decided to randomly celebrate Christmas. I tried writing the story in a normal format, but found it wasn’t as funny as the way he told it to me. So I’ve just decided to bastardize Dr. Seuss and do some poetry. Mind you, I’ve switched a little bit of the dialogue up, but this no shit happened. In the scorching July … READ ALL